You’re seriously telling me I can eat as much pasta as I want?”
1. At least once you’ll be tired and tidy away your Frylight into the bathroom cupboard thinking it’s heat-protection spray. Just pray you realise before you go to use it…
2. Scan Bran is 100% the most disgusting thing you’ll ever eat. And my god does it make you poop!?
3. Watching the boys shift about awkwardly when you discuss your Star Week woes during group will forever be my favourite thing.
4. You can still eat chips! Not the ones from McDonalds, and not the ones drowning in bucket-loads of full-fat mayonnaise and melted cheese, mind you.
5. Hi-Fi bars are so goddam tasty – especially the popcorn ones. And you can have two for dessert if you play your cards right.
6. Every time you get a sticker in group you’ll be more excited than you were getting stickers from the dentist. Yeah we can all brush our teeth twice a day, but not everyone can lose half a stone!
7. You’ll turn your nose up at the idea of Diet Coke Chicken. But the second you try it for the first time, you’ll wonder how you managed without it for so long.
8. People will never be able to get their heads around the fact you can eat as much pasta, rice, noodles and potatoes as you like…
9. And they’ll look at you like you’re a moron when you say you can’t have avocadoes. “But it’s good fat?”
“Yeah, but did you not just hear yourself say ‘fat’, mate? The clue’s in the word…”
10. Taster Evenings are the best. You can cancel your Sainsbury’s delivery that night, because you’ll get fed like a king by Maureen with her Weetabix Cake and Cheryl, whose Coronation Chicken Pasta Salad is world famous.
11. Your kitchen cupboards will become a sea of Mug Shots, mushy peas and passata.
12. Oh, and instead of digestives and custard creams in your biscuit tin, you’ll be confronted by Pink ‘n’ Whites.
13. Learning that fruits that have been juiced or smooshed up have to be synned. “BUT IT’S STILL FRUIT!?!?”
14. You’re well within your rights to cry all the way home when you think you’ve been 100% on plan, and get to group and learn you’ve maintained. Or even worse… gained a pound.
15. There will be times when you feel like giving up and having an entire Black Forest Gateau. And that’s fine. So long as you get back on plan the second you’ve washed the final remnants of chocolate icing off your face.
16. And you can always count on the people at your group to totally understand what you’re going through, because they will be some of the most kind sincere, and wonderful people you’ll ever meet.